Friday, July 18, 2014

At That Age

I've been thinking a lot this summer about the intersectionality of childhood and adulthood. This is my last summer of childhood and it's like I can't decide whether or not I'm a grown up yet. One day I'll be in my pjs watching reality television and eating Nutella of of the jar, and the next I am running around town like a superwoman soccer mom completing errands left and right. How is it that we can be both at once?

Every once in a while an event or even just a moment comes along to remind me that I am at that age. The age when life plans get made, when careers get started, and yes, when my friends start getting married.

Today I went wedding dress shopping with one of my best and oldest friends who got engaged last month. Engaged to be married. Married! It feels like just yesterday we were running around my basement playing make believe. (Although one might argue that planning a wedding is quite similar to playing make believe. At least at the dress fitting, it felt like playing with bridal barbie.) I am a particularly visual person so seeing her walk out of the dressing room in a white veil and gown really hit me like a ton of bricks. She is the first of my friends to be going through this process and it is forcing me to really look at our futures. As I watched her try on gowns, I was unable to ignore the fact that she is a full blown real life adult now. Which by extension means that I should be one too..?

I am living in limbo for the moment; postponing the big decisions of my life. However, I know that this really is my last summer of childhood. I'm moving slowly but surely away from that part of my life and am moving towards the next adventure. It's exciting and terrifying.